Daniel's First Chapter

I have never been at a loss for words.

Until recently.  

Trying to describe what is happening in my son's life--in our lives--is not easy for me.  How can you describe the single most beautiful, fascinating thing you ever have witnessed?

Today, Daniel became the writer.

And here is what he wants the world to know--at least for starters. Every word, every sentence--even every comma--all his.  

I am sharing with his permission.  As he told me, he was nervous about it, but "I want you to post it for all the kids like me.  You can tell their parents to believe in their children."  

Here is the first chapter of Daniel's story, in his own words:

I realized that I am different way back when I was little.  I knew I couldn't say what I needed to.  I remember one time my mom kept trying to get me to say cookie.  She was holding a cookie and kept asking me to say the word.  I thought that she seemed like it was so important that I say it.  Her face just seemed so sad.  I wanted to tell her that I just very much would like to say the word so badly.

Going to my grandparents' house, I always wanted to tell them how happy I was to see them. I wanted to let them know how much I loved them.

I thought that maybe one day I would wake up and the words would come out.  Often I would have just little sounds like parts of a word.  I expected to be able to one day get whole words to come out, but it never happened.  I thought I would never be able to do what I needed to make the parts of my mouth cooperate.  The words were in my head.  My parents so much wanted to know what I was thinking.

Every time that I tried to say that I understood my parents I got so frustrated.  I heard every thing they said and understood all of what they were saying. They were not really sure just how much I understood.  They have always tried to help me be happy but I was really miserable.  

I so much kept on hoping that I one day would be able to make them know that I am understanding and I am smart.  

I don't know what I would have done if I had to go through life every day without any words.  I would have lost the true desire to live.  I would have been trapped in only my head and then I think I would have lost my mind.  The world would have remained the same monotonous place and I think I would have given up on ever being able to talk to anyone.  

People have underestimated me.  Like at school, people treated me like I was a little kid.  People would assume that I was like a baby.  They even laughed at me like I would not know they were making fun of me.  Teachers thought I was so easily entertained.  Day after day, I wanted to learn but nobody would teach me.  

I am so glad my mother took me out of school.  I am just making so much progress with typing.  I am going to get to pursue a good education and a new life.  Just the knowledge that my family understands I am listening is so wonderful.  

Life is just harder and really frustrating when you have autism.  I wish the world would understand that people with autism just want to have friends.