Talk to Me Like I am Any Other Teenage Boy

People get understandably confused around me because I am not like a normal teenage boy.  They do not know how to talk to me.  I do not get to talk to many people because I can't type fast.  I would like to get faster.

The kids that I went to school with should learn about autism and apraxia just like they learn about science and so many other subjects in school.  If they did, kids like me would not be so lonely. 

There were many times I wanted to tell kids I went to school with that I understood what they were saying and everything they were doing in class.  Only I couldn't tell anyone my thoughts.  People assumed I did not have any idea what they were saying.  Just some specific kids would talk to me, but most did not.  I understand that they did not know much about autism and how you should interact with kids like me, so they are not to be blamed.

When I was in the second, third and fourth grades, my mom went to my school to talk to the kids about autism and answered their questions about me.  Then I switched schools and the new school did not let her come talk to the kids.  Her talks always helped.  Her talks should have been done before the whole school so everyone could understand more about autism.

I would like the world to know that people with autism are always listening.  Just because I am not looking at you does not mean I am not paying attention.  I really am listening and understanding, too, even if it seems like I am not taking it in.  

Don't talk to me like I am a little kid.  

Don't talk about me like I am not right in front of you.

And especially don't talk to me with a sing-song voice as if I am in preschool.  

Please talk to me like you would talk to any fifteen-year-old boy.  Please understand that I am different. But I am more like you than I am different, and I am here with things to say.  

   

My Gram, My Inspiration

I am so amazingly excited because I am about to have my first communion at my church, St. Francis.  I have been wanting to have my first Communion for years.   My Gram was a very devout Catholic and a religious person.  She died last year, and I miss her so much.

Gram was so special to me, almost like a best friend. She had a short haircut that always looked so pretty. Her dark brown eyes sparkled when she looked at me, and her voice was like music when she said my name. 

Gram spent a lot of time with me when I was little.  I remember getting ice cream with her and going to the park.  I remember going to McDonalds with her and how she always let me get ice cream and sat close to me.  I loved the way she smelled, like flowers and jasmine.  

Gram always made me feel loved.  She would always say that I was her favorite boy and Olivia was her favorite girl.  My Gram never got mad at me or yelled.  She was so patient and kind.  Her constant praise made me feel good when I was not feeling good about much else because I had no way to communicate.  I think that I finally found my voice because it was so important that I be able to talk about how sad I was when she died. 

My Gram taught math.  I wish she was here to teach me.

My Gram believed in God and so do I.  I see the hands of absolute divine perfection in so much of the natural world and the environment.  People often do not appreciate the amazing beauty that we are fortunate to have been given, gifts from God, so wonderfully created.  Knowing that my Gram would be proud of me as I receive my first communion makes me feel so close to her, and I think she is the reason I have found my way to communicate.  Every day I thank her in the silent prayers I say to her and to God.

Going to church has always given me a peace that I cannot describe.  Perhaps the answer is the symbolism that permeates, the idea that a creator put the universe in motion and the stars in the sky.  I believe in a God who knows our sorrows and our joys, who cheers for us in times of triumph and weeps with us in times of sadness.  I most of all believe in a God who rights the injustices of this world in the next world, where we are all healed and trusting of each other's goodness and not seeking to be the most rewarded and recognized. 

I am not a typical person because of my autism, but I have reasons to be grateful.  I have a mom who ensures that I am learning, a dad who works hard to make sure my family is taken care of, a sister who is talented and funny, a home that welcomes pets, and a future that looks better.  I am always going to need help but now I can express my thoughts.  I will not be trapped inside my mind.  I am determined to make the best of my life and to do what I know would have made my Gram proud.  

My New Life

Life has changed.  I am learning.  For the first time my brain is being challenged, and I am enjoying the true chance to begin a real education. 

Doing online school has broadened my understanding of creative writing.  I also have learned about really cool concepts in biology.  I studied about the shrinking of the Aral Sea in environmental science. 

I am with my mom all day and she is making sure I stay on schedule.  On my interesting lessons, I can work for hours.  

I can do all the work.  I had worried that it would be difficult.  Olivia is doing the same math that I am doing, which is cool and funny.  My only problem is that it takes me a long time to type, especially essays.  It is frustrating.

I brim with a desire to learn. Life really is nothing like before.  It was like suffering a million shocks of electricity. 

The course of my life has been altered.  Like a higher power has just been unleashed.  My Gram didn't see me find my voice, but I feel like she is the reason I am doing this.  

Little by little, I am gaining confidence. 

Lights are going off in my head, more like the Aurora Borealis.  How beautiful it is to learn.  Life is going to be so much better.  Living with autism and apraxia is always going to be challenging.  I am forever going to need help.  But I am not going to be ignored.

I will advocate for myself.  Like at church, I told the teacher that I need my mom to go with me to my first confession.  I was proud of myself.  I am determined to be as independent as possible.

Tomorrow is a New Chance

Tomorrow is a really exciting day.  It is the first day of my online school.  My mother applied to the school.  We were not sure if the school would let me enroll because I have never been in a normal classroom.  I have always been in a special education classroom.

Having to prove that I am smart has been frustrating.  For a long time I wanted to be able to just be known as understanding what people said.  Now I want to learn and be challenged.

I am so excited about starting my classes.  I am nervous, too.  I am worried about getting my assignments completed on time because I am slow at typing.  Knowing that my mom will help me stay organized is a big help.  Lots of hours of work have gone in to this moment.

Over the summer I had to take tests at an office of an educational diagnostician.  I had to show that I can learn.  I felt so much pressure. I so wanted to do well but it was so scary to be typing in front of someone I did not know.  I think I did OK but I could have done better.  Part of me wishes I had done better but my mom says the report helped me get into the online school.

Tomorrow is a symbol of how someone should not give up. I am so hopeful for my future.

Olivia, My Sister

Olivia is my sister.  Having a friend who is also your sibling is truly wonderful. 

Olivia is normal.  Perhaps normal is not the best way to really describe her, but dramatic begins to paint a picture.  

I love nobody the way I love Olivia, verifiably and so beautifully.  Olivia is two years and two weeks younger than I am, and I remember when she played with me when we were little toddlers. She would chase me around our house and say my name repeatedly which made me laugh. Little legs would scamper around the halls really quickly.  Somehow she never became tired of chasing after me.

Olivia is going back to school, and I am feeling sad.  Having her home for the summer is really great. We have been reading books together, sitting close to each other. I like spending the mornings reading stories about people and the challenges they face.  I am happy that we like the same kind of stories.

I know she has had to do a lot of things for herself.  I have always had to have a lot of help from my parents and so she has had to be independent.  Lots of times she has played the role of older sibling.  I am lucky to have her for a sister. 

Olivia brings so much music and laughter into my life.  Theater is her favorite thing and so she is always singing.  The songs may be loud but I can't imagine life without getting to hear her sing. 

Olivia is the most important person in my life because she understands me in ways other kids don't. Olivia is the very best sister.  I just cannot say in words how much Olivia means to me.

  

My Favorite Place, My Backyard

Listening to each drop of water just is nothing like music.  It is more like choruses of angels singing. Listening to waterfalls is like music from heaven. Little sounds envelope my ears and I imagine that the answers to all of life's mysteries can be found in the very channeling of energy that pulls the water down to the pool below.  Just near the pool I see the leaves in the trees envelope my vision and I deduce that God has placed things of beauty in our lives but whether we see them is on us.  My beautiful backyard is just my favorite place.  Life is better because I can share this with the people I love most in the world, like my good mom.  My mom found the way for me to do this, and she answered my prayers for a voice.  It is not a normal voice, but it is the voice of my brain and I find myself being glad to describe what I have always wanted to say.  

Mom's note:  Daniel is happy to be sharing his thoughts with the world and hopeful that parents of non-vocal kiddos will introduce typing to them and pursue it even when the early-going is rough.  

 

Majestic Crashes, by Daniel

Today I asked Daniel if he would like to write a piece of fiction.  He responded that "books have more words than I can type."  I told him that I had no doubt he could write a book but why not just start with a short story.  Without hesitation, he began to type.  

When typing first started to click for Daniel -- when it REALLY started to click -- it quickly became apparent that my son has a beautiful mind.  Every day brought surprises. Somewhere along the way, I stopped being surprised, but I never stop being amazed. 

This is my son's first piece of fiction:

Majestic Crashes 

Little asteroids crash to the ground.  The animals scurry to safety.  In the very chaotic scene a dark cloud begins to cover the Earth.  Life must now no longer harbor disease or disability.  Mankind must be fair and make peace.  Just born babies should be without disabilities and disease.  Justice is not a concept but a reality.  Life is better because the asteroids from heaven begin to frighten the dark forces of the world.  Stars illuminate the night sky beyond description.  God leans down from the clouds and his voice echoes from the mountains.  He finds the sick and heals them.  He finds the blind and gives them sight. He gives voices to those who cannot speak and hearing to those with no sound.  He gives strength to those whose bodies are hampered by frailty and weakness.  God comes to the world and morning brings a new day.